lists, people

1 pm outline

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The night right after my father was discharged from the hospital.* (May 22, 2016)

Fragments of thoughts on a calm, sunny Friday afternoon:

  1. This impulse to use social media without a definite purpose is alarming. My friend’s right: social media addiction is real. For one, you experience “withdrawal symptoms,” like feeling odd when going offline even for a half-day. You might miss out on a lot of happenings, right? Being disconnected from the Internet is the modern-day equivalent of running to the mountains where nobody knows you.
    1. You feel the need to share an update at that very moment — people use the hashtag “late upload” for a reason — and express dismay when a restaurant doesn’t have WiFi. Next to asking for a menu, people request for the WiFi password. When eating out, family and friends train their eyes on little glowing screens instead of facing each other while having long conversations.
    2. I find it alarming because using social media is so wired to my system that it has been a catalyst for procrastination and it has squandered a significant amount of time I could’ve used on more important matters.

  1. My summer break this year highly contrasts with last year’s. The need to go out and party every time has dissipated. Joining revelries for hours is fun and is an avenue for the making of interesting stories but, another way of putting it is, these past few months offered a different kind of fun.
    1. As I foresee my possible routine, I begin to appreciate being at home the entire day without any deadline to beat. Typing this entry in my pajamas on a weekday afternoon while eating chicken fillet — no, not the one from McDo — is worthy to be cherished. I know I will miss this moment. I do enjoy and get energy from interacting with people but solitude allows me to recharge.
    2. Armed with my music playlist, when I walked from Dvsoria to Centrio Mall at 5 p.m., I realized that it is only in silence that I get in touch with my thoughts and have an uninterrupted soliloquy. Those walks became a highlight of my day.
  1. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder how events could have turned out had things gone differently. I find myself pathetic for expecting a start of friendship from such fleeting interaction in a merrymaking months ago. I don’t know. I’m clueless in this aspect.  
  1. I’m glad to have documented a two-and-a-half-day training of small-scale farmers in a training spearheaded by DAR and CRS. The type of work is expected to be performed by dev com graduates. Knowing it’ll be the last in a long time, documenting it became more exciting although I was surrounded by people I barely know.
    1. *In addition to reasons I’m grateful, my father was discharged on Sunday, May 22, after spending the weekend in the hospital because of a stomachache. Stomach pains are usually remedied by food or tablets but when the patient has had an operation in 2013 for an intestinal obstruction — which is a result of post-operation adhesion from a surgery for colon cancer in 2000 — it’s another story.
    2. I’m thankful the recent partial intestinal obstruction has been handled with conservative management; that means no drastic measures were needed. And the worst case scenario — growth of cancer cells — did not happen. Good health itself is enough reason to be grateful.
  1. Time and again, I’ve been warned of the magnitude of adjustments that med school entails. Entering this field is usually equated with sleep deprivation, lack of social life or interests outside medicine, unhealthy levels of stress, overwhelming volume of required studying, and disappointment that requires quick, healthy ways of coping. I get it. Clearly, people like my parents have good intentions of letting me know that, contrary to popular notion, the field is not glamorous at all.
    1. As much as I appreciate these words of wisdom and caution, I fear that I might look at med school only as a dreadful, stressful chapter; a grueling, never-ending to-do list. I fear that I might wear poor self-care and burnout as a badge of honor. If I always believe these pitfalls to be in all circumstances , med school might match my expectations and become years-long of hell. Self-fulfilling prophecy, as people call it.
    2. I might forget that I willfully committed myself to it for a compelling purpose; it’ll tap my potentials and push my limits I never knew I have; it’ll teach me to deal with people in ways not taught in the classroom. That it will bring me closer to being a competent and credible practitioner. I might forget that, cliche as this may sound, the journey is as important as the destination. I’m pretty certain that when I do reach my destination, the specifics of which are always subject to change, I will yearn for another one.
    3. Acknowledging warnings is one thing; focusing only on the downsides is another. Needless to say, I’m thrilled to start med school on July. I might as well enjoy this honeymoon phase before harsh, biting reality rears its head.
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2 thoughts on “1 pm outline

  1. “I might forget that I willfully committed myself to it for a compelling purpose; it’ll tap my potentials and push my limits I never knew I have; it’ll teach me to deal with people in ways not taught in the classroom. That it will bring me closer to being a competent and credible practitioner. I might forget that, cliche as this may sound, the journey is as important as the destination.” – This is encouraging to me at the moment. Keep on with the soliloquys, Lour! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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