musings

Paradox

Note: This post will be edited continuously as examples of and anecdotes on paradox surface in med school. 


  • I learned to keep things to myself yet be sharing. Finding out I was deliberately excluded from a class-generated learning effort, primarily because of my blood relation to a faculty member i.e., mother, drove my primal instinct to stop any form of lesson-related generosity. If I were in another school I most likely won’t mind as I’m not the only one, and monitoring a project by and in a class of hundred is difficult. But the reason for even withholding information from me appears absurd to me. It’s unfair. Although people clamor and try to work for collaboration, it’s every man for himself at the end of the day. I realize, however, that my actions must not be controlled by those of others – brought by reasons I don’t bother knowing anymore because I have long overcome initial feelings of hurt – but by what I believe is right. At the same time, I try to be more discreet; as a Fall Out Boy song goes, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.”
  • To remind myself the more I know, the more I do not know. Recently, my progress seem to have been in line with Easter as it has “resurrected” from the “grave,” which is in the form of 3rd bimonthly. It could be lower or higher than those of my classmates’ and their benchmarks of progress but why should I even care? My father’s advice at the start of the school year completely makes sense today – although we “could get by with a little help from our friends,” ultimately we are our own toughest competitors and critics. In his words, “Don’t depend too much on others because you use only your brain to learn, anyway.” From another perspective, I often find myself downplaying any achievement or significant mark of progress. If I allow myself to acknowledge and wallow in frustration and other related emotions, why should I shield myself from events worth commending of myself? It still pays to be cautiously optimistic, though; I just have to be careful not to omit the ‘optimistic’ part.
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